So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
