A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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