You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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