You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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