i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
