In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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