sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
