I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
