you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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