I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
