he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
