Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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