The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize