I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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