he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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