I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
