Where is the hickey?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
