He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
