The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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