I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
