Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
