also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
