i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
