im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...