pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.