I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon