I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.