Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.