i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
