i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
