Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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