well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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