Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
