My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
