Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i barfeds in our rink
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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