this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
