she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
