how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
