You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
