Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
