Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
