Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
