i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
