you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
