Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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