You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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