I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You ruined the universe
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
