He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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