You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
