sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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