you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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