I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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