when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
