Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
