she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
