You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
