I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
