Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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