I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
