then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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