Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
