How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
