His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am one with the molecules
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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