Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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