the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
