i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
