She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
