I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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