dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my shit smells like andre
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
