You were right. It hurts to walk today.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
