she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
