Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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