Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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