My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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