I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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