I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
