just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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