I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
