i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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