Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
