In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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